Detoxification = Weight Loss = Satiety = Oral Fixation = ME
Posted by Erica Steele on Sun, Sep 18, 2011 @ 01:46 PM
So, even though my goal for this detoxification is not to lose weight, but rather get healthier; I am finding that I tend to crave food more towards the evening. I am not sure if that is a feeling of comfort or cozyness that I crave. I remember when I use to eat cooked foods, instead of raw food in the evening time, I would go right for potatoes. Something about a baked potatoe with veggies, soothed my soul.
For awhile I felt that way. French fries, dairy free mashed potatoes, etc it almost represented a feeling of womb like sensation. What kind of power does a starch have to create such sensation. I looked deeper to find answers. For one, even after eating the potatoes I did not feel more satisisfed, yet instead felt gross. By gross I mean heavy. YuCk! What is this brick that just hit my stomach? Nonethless I go for it again the next night.
Food is medicine and food is healing. The feel of the fluffy consistancy, melting in my mouth like a freshly fluffed pillow. I think I just fell in love. Was I recapturing a simplier time in my life by eating this way? Surely. It must be. How else could I explain why I would eat something like this, even still I can intellectualize to myself what my body will do to with this potatoe once I consume it.
As the bulbous emulsifies, breaking down into smaller and smaller molecules I begin to explore WHY I continue to eat this way. And then it hit me, an oral fixation. Even as I grind with my RAWdom I acknowledge that I am not hungry. I haven't eaten since 6pm and I feel satisfied, my belly is full and I feel complete. Yet, I want to put something in my mouth, food sounds delicious until it hits my stomach. WHY would I gorge myself. It is SO unhealthy.
I begin to relate my conudrum back to birth. I rememember reading a David Wolfe post about oral fixation and truly I am beginning to understand. Our love affair with food, our sickness with food runs so much deeper. By putting something in my mouth (anything) I feel comfort. I feel loved, acknoweldged, at peace> what have you. I feel like I can handle things. I feel like an infant in the womb and breastfeeding. After all, those are some of our first associations with food; through breastfeeding (or for some formula) but still a nipple. Are we all trying to achieve that 'high' we once got from breastfeeding. That nurturing sensation or feelings of security completness and wholism. Will me eating potatoes right now retore that feeling, unfortunetly not. So what is the point? Why should I eat it? I shall never regain that feeling once more, so I should grow up and find a new sensation, perhaps ballet or singing, old movies, or board games. Something that won't kill me silently, cunningly without me even knowing. The only symptom of a heart attack is the heart attack itself. I thought I would point that out. XoXoXo with my thought of mashed potatoes, I love you dear friend but I think it is time to break up. Don't worry its not you its me, I think I want different things for my life and we are going in seperate directions. So long, far well, it's been swell but the swelling has gone down ~ your pseduofriend miss e
P.S. It has been three weeks since our break up and I have to tell you this time apart has been great. At first it was hard, but now I feel great. Hope life is great with you and that you have a new friend. For me I have my life back free from fatigue, irritability, gas, bloating, and the like. This has truly been for the best, I just want you to know that. Peace.